Dear Frida, 

A lot had been on my mind since I last wrote. I don’t even know where to begin. I feel a sense of something new. The unfamiliar… 

As I am moving into the next chapter of my life it feels a bit bittersweet. This year was so exhausting and painful. I was cheated on by the love of my life, who turned out to be a lying disingenuous superficial deuschebag and completely in denial of who he really was. He was never honest with me. Probably because he wasn’t honest with himself. He dragged me through the mud of a two year "relationship" that he never really wanted to be in because he didn’t have the guts to be the one to say “lets end it.”

He still effects me, every day in small ways I am reminded of the pain he has left me with. I loved him more transparently and valiantly than any other man I have ever known. I gave him everything. All of me. 

It's funny.... after two years of being in a toxic relationship; how I feel totally different...... finally free. 

Like the smoke has cleared and I can finally breathe.. 

I am free of anger, disappointment and frustration.... which I continuously faced after trying repeatedly to therapeutically, educationally, systematically, and lovingly enlighten this person.

I can believe in myself now without looking over my shoulder.

Pursue my dreams without questioning myself;.....and live my life with full courage of conviction.

Without second guessing anything..... because there isn't some dysfunctional man with issues making me worry about where I stand with him constantly or making me feel like other women are "better" than me.... 

I am sure you understand my agony, Frida.....

It's sad how.. love is blind and how I idealized a person who always back burnered me and constantly devalued my genuine efforts to love him and make it work. 

I cry myself to sleep at night when I think about how much hope I have lost in love. I used to believe in true love... The thought of it made me excited. I thought I had found it in him. I thought he was the one. But how could someone who hurt you so recklessly? I guess in his eyes I wasn't worthy of being the one... since he cheated on me and told me I am not amazing, and made me feel that way constantly.